New Reasons to STICK Around.
- Addisonsp37
- Dec 11, 2017
- 3 min read
Hey everyone, Noosek here. I know we usually have Barry talk about Live Team updates, but I'm sad to report that last night Barry lost an argument about PvP balance with Derek Carrol and is no longer with us, on account of Derek's unyielding rule to cannibalize anyone who loses to him at anything. We will all remember Barry fondly as the man who championed innovative changes to how we play Destiny, and not as he is now - a lump of slow-forming shit in Derek's lower intestines. That's why I am here today to announce some new Quality of Life changes Barry's (RIP) Live Team made to better suit our victim's needs... I mean "hobbyists," our hobbyists' needs.
Introducing the foundation upon which we will build a truly diverse and unique loot system: Masterbait weapons. Yes, these weapons have been augmented with Bungo Bronze to have enhanced perks that drag any hardcore spending whale directly back into Eververse's Port. Simply find the Masterbait Weapon Mod (.00001% drop rate in prestige content only) OR pay a low, soon-to-be-adjusted price of $20 to "earn" 20 Bait tokens! You then go to the new "Masterbait" kiosk located in the darkest, seediest part of the tower (at least 300 feet from any playgrounds or schools) and you can play the mini game to unlock the Masterbait weapons. Simply insert 10 Bait tokens into the Bait kiosk and a randomized slot machine will determine if you win! Now next time a friend spots you in the shadows of the tower - discreetly looking on towards the crowd and licking your lips - you can say, "Don't bother me now, I'm Baitin'!"
Here to discuss exactly HOW Masterbait weapons work is our resident Sandbox data and feedback analyst, Oscar the ostrich!
Hello humanses. It is I, Oscar again back, here I to tell you about Masturbating weapon. Sorry in advance for bad translating, Human-speak robots in head feel funny since I get penny stuck in ear.
All masturbating weapon do two things.
1. In PvE, multikills with masturbating weapon spawn "globs of light." You walk onto the sticky glob of white light, and it make your abilities come back faster if you are also holding a masturbating weapon. Also if you stand in glob of light it turn your boots into Glowhoo shader under a black light.
2. In PvP, kills with weapon fill enemy screen with globs of light. Players with globs on screen can only remove it if they purchase special "Etheric Glob Squeegee" from Eververse so they can wipe globs away. This consumable cost $1 each time and must be use any time someone kill you with Masturbating weapon.
Also, to make more people try to get special weapon mod, ALL other weapons in game that do not masturbate do 25% less damage. This change is good for game since humans kept hurting all non-humans and Oscar no like that. Game much less violent with bad bullets. Thank all! See you next time I am let out of cage!
So there you have it folks! Masterbait weapons are surely the ONLY thing we will need to put in this game to 100% win the trust of our community and reel back in the various victims (editor's note: can we PLEASE get Noosek to stop referring to customers in our internal lingo? They may start to realize how little we respect them. Also remember to remove this note before you publish this, thanks.) that we lost with our lack of any real endgame and constant herding towards our micro-transaction store.
We here at Bungo are always listening and watching, and we can't wait to watch you Masterbaiters unload your sticky globs all over our game.
Let the Baitin' begin, Guardians!
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